I realize that there are multiple experiences and perspectives among sex workers and I don’t claim to speak for every sex worker. However, I make no apologies for finding my work meaningful, though I haven’t had all wonderful experiences in sex work. In fact, I’ve had a mixture of positive and negative, and a bad experience as a exotic dancer is what led me to sex worker advocacy. Yet, instead of turning against the whole industry, I decided to go another route and recongnize that there are different sides to sex work. Pathologizing the whole industry does nothing to improve conditions. I view exotic dance as a beautiful art form and pole dancing has a hobby has become a fitness hobby for me. It’s such great exercise!
Here are some reasons why sex work is so meaningful to me, in addition making a living and the financial aspects:
1. In a society where there is so much stress and negativity, I provide pleasure, enjoyment, and make people feel good.
2. Sex work helps support my vegan lifestyle.
3. I’ve developed friendships and bonds with some sex workers.
4. The vast majority of my clients in the legal Nevada brothels have been very kind and respectful, and I enjoy being around them. It’s not just sexual, but we’ve had discussions about a variety of topics, including one of my favorite hobbies-hiking. Yet, we’re never guaranteed to be perfectly safe in this world no matter where we are or what type of work we do, so it’s always important to be careful.
5. I’ve found that in various ways, sex work has given me more freedom than many other jobs. For example, when I do webcam, I can work from a studio or from my computer, set my own schedule, and with many companies I can also set my own rates. (Yet, I realize that degrees of freedom vary greatly within the sex trade. Some people have a lot of freedom. Some have none. Some have mixed levels of freedom. ) I support freedom the freedom to be sex workers, the freedom not to be sex workers, and the freedom to exit sex work without being discriminated against in other jobs because we’re sex workers.
6. As a sex worker, I don’t have to make my work my whole life. Thus, I can engage in other activities outside of work that are also meaningful to me and live a fulfilling, well-rounded life.
7. I get to help people explore their sexuality. We live in such a sexually repressed society that some clients come to me not in touch with their bodies or thoroughly knowing what they enjoy sexually. I get to help them discover what brings them pleasure.
8. I’ve learned a lot about what I do and don’t enjoy sexually, so I became more aware of my own sexuality.
9. I’ve become a more open-minded person, learning how sex workers and clients are such a variety of people.
10. I’ve become a more sensitive, socially conscious person.
Yet, regardless of how we feel about our work, we deserve to be able to make a living as sex workers without being persecuted, subject to violence, and hated.
I don’t mean to offend you but I just find your advocation of so-called ‘sex work’ so distressing–I’m so disappointed by your careless advocation of this enterprise. I guess I should be happy for you, as an individual, that you have not incurred psychological damage (that you are aware of–forgive my skepticism) but to utter from your lips (or, on this case, type from your fingers) that, “Sex work is important, meaningful work”?
I’m incredulous.
Look at your points! All of them come from a very narrow mindset, created from your cloistered, sheltered, ‘safe’ brothel experience. In fact, I find it quite humorous that the main advocates of ‘sex work’ are those who–as a good analogy–are like the top 1% of wealthy people in human society. It’d be like the American homeless saying poverty is ‘not so bad’ when most people who are poor have existences like those in Africa, India, or everywhere outside of the west, for that matter.
You’d be less disingenuous if you were a street worker saying, “Hey, this is a fantastic alternative!”
I live in Nevada, in a city were it is illegal to prostitute. (Regarding the word ‘prostitute’, interesting euphemisms you girls use with the term ‘sex worker’.) I hope that doesn’t change. Let’s think about your position rationally, Vegan-vixen:
Fantasy sex involves just that: a fantasy.
For the vice to be legalized and for it to be an ‘alternative’ to actual work (and don’t get hung up on that), a potential applicant for the job must be attractive in some way to the male clientele so that buying a person for sex (no euphemisms here) is not a ‘pig in a poke’. How many female applicants will fit that bill looking from a countrywide or global perspective? If your response is that anyone can find a niche to exploit (chubby girls, black girls, whatever), then you have not processed what I’ve said rationally; ‘anyone’ is a finite quantity.
The proper answer is, “not many,” if ‘sex work’ intends to continue to be a lucrative enterprise attractive to male clientele. Most women do not fit the bill, so speaking glowingly about the ‘profession’ as if women can just go in and start turning tricks and fattening their pockets is disingenuous. That’s not reality, Vegan-vixen. It isn’t.
What saddens me is that while feminists do have a certain dominance in the discourse, prostitutes like yourself have gained the backing of men (if you want one supporter, they’d be it) and of naive sex-positive so-called “feminists”, women who are so politically correct and live in theoryland where all of their ideas and rants make sense. Before you assume that I hate men, I do not–annoying, ugly behavior, and stupid know no gender. But the latter group are young women who are more concerned about being attractive to the former then women’s rights. They’ve put ‘sexiness’ at a premium and have, in some small part of themselves, ‘wondered’ what it would be like to have men paying for their pussies.
Haven’t all women? But that fantasy shouldn’t be ran with.
My concern is that this movement (hopefully that is a generous descriptor) will gain significant footing and this enterprise will expand, which is when the real problems will occur (if you say it’s about principle over money, it’s really about the money). I think you should have the decency to acknowledge that you are representative of a small segment of women who sell their bodies, and not just mention it as an afterthought, like you did in the above post.
You should also be honest enough to admit that over 90% (for a quick and dirty number) of working girls do not work in a ‘safe’ brothel–they work in the street or in some other less desirable context (the number of hookers on drugs or substances bolsters the idea that the average woman does not want to sell her body for real). Additionally, given that number, you should also be honest to admit that, from a rational business standpoint, many women will not be able to take advantage of the enterprise.
And, as I’d mentioned, it’s just about the money. It’s about the money. It’s about the money. I’m sure that if you’re income was what a McDonald’s cashier takes in, you wouldn’t do it, regardless of the ways it has allowed you to explore your sexuality (as if that is the most substantive part of the human animal, Vegan-vixen!).
I’m not hating you or demonizing you–that is a point that I want to make crystal clear. I’m just asking for a little honesty, that’s all. Whereas radical feminists scream about women being raped left and right in the business, your side also makes errors in logic, namely this ‘everyone could do’ idea, which makes no sense in reality.
After all, what generates your fine income is the fact that there isn’t much competition, the demand is high, and the supply is low. Sure, Randy can get a blowjob from Babs for $20 but it’s sort of like free porn and paid porn: you pay for the better looks, the bigger breasts, the ‘finesse’. A market flood will dent your earnings handsomely.
Vegan-vixen, we live in reality, not fantasyland. I’m sure men would want all women to moonlight as a hooker for the simple reason it benefits them more than it does women. It allows them to see women as unequal, as the ‘helper’, as the people who are there for their consumption.
An honest question: outside of the clientele that are there because they have emotional problems and may not relate to ‘real’ women so they have to buy companionship (read: not your average, healthy male), do you really think buying a woman for pleasure does women any service vis-a-vis men looking upon us as deserving respect?
Assuming that you do reply, please don’t miss the forest for the trees. Don’t harp on whatever you think is a stereotype about men (you understand men just about as much as I do–meaning not very much) or anything tangential. I’m not trying to change your mind; I just think you are not being very honest in your position…
Desiree, let me first point out how ironic your name is, considering it’s popularity among sex workers. More to the point, though, your “incredulousness” is beyond pejorative and paternal, even in the name of some supposed philanthropic attempt to dialogue on the issue of sex work. So let’s deconstruct your disingenuous response, line by line, because I’d like you to see for yourself how deeply you’ve shoved your head up your ass.
“I don’t mean to offend you but I just find your advocation of so-called ‘sex work’ so distressing–I’m so disappointed by your careless advocation of this enterprise.
You do mean to offend, so save your pseudo apologies for your middle-class, white friends who will decidedly appreciate them more than us. “So-called” sex work? How pedestrian. Did you use your “so-called” intellect to construct that sentence or did you copy and paste it from some misinformed women’s studies 101 website? Denying self-identification, or at least attempting to, as you’ve obviously done here, is nothing more than a vulgar attempt at monopolizing semantics… semantics that directly affect our lives everyday while having little or no impact on yours.
“I guess I should be happy for you, as an individual, that you have not incurred psychological damage (that you are aware of–forgive my skepticism)”
You guess? Let me ask that again… You GUESS you’re happy? I’m unclear. Was there a puny debate among your puny brain synapses about whether Vegan Vixen’s lack of psychological trauma is in fact positive? If you had to ponder that for more than half a second, I guess that pretty much makes you a monster.
Regarding your skepticism of her self-reported psychological state of mind, well, I’m skeptical of your brain capacity to make such decisions for others. In any case, I think what you really mean to say is, “Of course you have psychological damage! You’re a whore!” Which, if I may take liberties at translating, means, “I degrade and dehumanize you to the point of not caring whether or not you’ve been abused, I just want to use it against you.” Which, if I may take further liberties, really just means you’re a creep who condones violence.
“It’d be like the American homeless saying poverty is ‘not so bad’ when most people who are poor have existences like those in Africa, India, or everywhere outside of the west, for that matter.”
Africa is a continent. India is a country.
“For the vice to be legalized and for it to be an ‘alternative’ to actual work (and don’t get hung up on that), a potential applicant for the job must be attractive in some way to the male clientele so that buying a person for sex (no euphemisms here) is not a ‘pig in a poke’. How many female applicants will fit that bill looking from a countrywide or global perspective? If your response is that anyone can find a niche to exploit (chubby girls, black girls, whatever), then you have not processed what I’ve said rationally; ‘anyone’ is a finite quantity.”
This paragraph was constructed using the vernacular of a twelve-year old and makes absolutely no sense. I will, however, kindly inform you that your, ahem… “pig in a poke” statement makes you appear shamefully ridiculous. Is it your intention to make fun of sex workers out of overt jealousy or are you actually trying to make a meaningful contribution to the world with punitive and embarrassing remarks? I’m confused.
“But the latter group are young women who are more concerned about being attractive to the former then [sic] women’s rights.”
If you do not think fighting for carnal agency, including sexual agency, and the right to be an independent woman is decidedly feminist, I question whether or not you, dear Desiree, are truly one. But, thankfully, naïve third-wave feminists like myself, as you so brilliantly articulate!, are more concerned with actually fighting for human rights than pissing contests over who’s more of a feminist. Good luck with that mental masturbation, Des!
“I think you should have the decency to acknowledge that you are representative of a small segment of women who sell their bodies…”
OMG Vegan Vixen totally should have done that! Oh, wait…I believe she actually explicitly states that when she says, “I realize that there are multiple experiences and perspectives among sex workers and I don’t claim to speak for every sex worker.”
OOPS!
“I’m not hating you or demonizing you–that is a point that I want to make crystal clear.”
Thankfully, people like Vegan Vixen don’t give a fuck if you hate her or not. Indeed it will be your own demons you will have to battle when you realize you’ve spent your life hating other women.
Moreover, I have to admit, I am so tickled that this statement: “Sure, Randy can get a blowjob from Babs for $20 but it’s sort of like free porn and paid porn: you pay for the better looks, the bigger breasts, the ‘finesse’. A market flood will dent your earnings handsomely.” is followed by this one: “Vegan-vixen, we live in reality, not fantasyland.”
How cute! Not to mention ironic and dangerously egocentric. Your former sentiments express complete misinformation about the industry and disdain for self-reflection, while the latter expresses some weird, second-wave, paternal narcissism! Well done! Then you finish up your rant by offering some half-hearted, possibly well-intentioned account of how neither you nor Vegan Vixen understands men well. Like, “Hey look, even though I’ve spent roughly five minutes insulting you, we’re really not that much different. In fact, we’re like sisters!”
Desiree, would you like to know why you are the worst kind of troll? Because you are completely content sloshing around in a dirty diaper full of misinformation; misinformation that seems sexy and attractive to you because, after all, when you compare yourself to whores by these standards, you feel comfortable convincing yourself that you’re a better person. What’s worse, though, you use this power trip to attempt to directly and adversely affect the lives of other women. You are the reason women die. You are the reason we’re so fucking pissed off. And you are the reason we will, ultimately, win.
I agree with you, anappleofdiscord. I also found Desiree’s demeanor to be paternalistic, abrasive, and demeaning, and the fact that this person would act toward any sex worker the way they acted toward me shows a real lack of respect for sex workers. Furthermore, I found this person’s comments and inquiries about my supposed psychological state and money to be very invasive. This is really none of their business and I don’t have to answer to them for being a sex worker. They aren’t paying my bills and living expenses for me. I didn’t write this blog entry to justify the work I do because I don’t feel like I need to justify it to anybody. I wrote it for reasons some people may never understand unless they’re feeling what I’m feeling.
If this person disagrees with my insight, they could have expressed it in a constructive way, without insulting my feelings, insight, and intelligence; and without jumping to conclusions about me (such as calling me “sheltered” when this person doesn’t know all I’ve experienced and gone through in life). Sure, I don’t know everything there is to know and could always learn more, but so could Desiree and everybody. Nonetheless, I still allow their comments to stay posted, as distressing as they are to read.
Also, Vegan-vixen, is it that you cannot do something better than ‘sex work’ or is it that you don’t want to because of the money?
“6. As a sex worker, I don’t have to make my work my whole life. Thus, I can engage in other activities outside of work that are also meaningful to me and live a fulfilling, well-rounded life.”
But it is, no doubt, a significant aspect of your life, so much so you feel the need to blog about it and advocate for it’s legality.
For the record, I don’t think America is sexually repressed; in fact, I believe Americans are too sex obsessed and put a premium on orgasms. Imagine all of the efforts put into advocating sex going into curing cancer or AIDS or literature or science. Instead, we shovel millions–billions–into the giant gaping hole of sex and sex-related enterprises.
What is wrong with humans?
Desiree, I specifically said that I don’t claim to speak for all sex workers and you have no business invalidating the feelings of any sex worker. I have more credibility than anybody else to speak for my experiences, and I’m not alone in feeling how I do. However, I realize that there are people (such as you) with very different views about sex work. You’re totally projecting your own attitudes about sex work onto me, and just because my perspective is different from your’s doesn’t mean I’m not being honest about my feelings. I never said that sex work is for everybody, so I’m not promoting any ‘everybody could do’ attitude.
You mentioned feeling distressed about me expressing positive attitudes about my work. Speaking of distress, that’s exactly what I feel when people treat me like I should only be able to focus on the negative aspects of my work. Only focusing on negativity is very distressing. Because of how people like you act, I so often feel like all I am allowed to address is the negative, which is one of the reasons why I wrote this blog entry: To tell people like you that you’re not going to shut me up and you’re not going to prevent me from being able to speak in my own words as a sex worker, and your negative energy isn’t going to control me or overpower my positive energy.
Also, my clients don’t buy me, they compensate me for my time and services. I agree with you that many sex workers don’t work in legal brothels. Some work in legal systems outside of brothels and some work in criminalized systems inside or outside of brothels, which is a reason why I advocate for decriminalization of prostitution, so sex workers will no longer be criminalized just for for being involved in prostitution. You mentioned that to you, a street worker would have more credibility speaking out than a legal brothel worker. Well, one of the reasons why it’s a lot harder for street workers to speak out is because they’re criminalized in much of the world, so if somebody outs themselves as a street worker and expresses how they feel as a street worker, then they would be incriminating themselves in many places. Yet, there are still street workers who do speak out and deserve to be listened to, and so do I. Sex workers speak from multiple voices, not just one, so if some sex workers express different insight than other sex workers, that doesn’t mean one group is more right than the other group, but rather that we have different perspectives and experiences.
In response to your question about whether I can’t do a “better” job than sex work or whether I just don’t want to, I’ve had jobs out of sex work, but sex work is a good fit for me for the reasons I addressed, which you totally blew off because they don’t conform to your notion of sex work. I have healthy positive energy toward my work. Positive energy doesn’t mean everything about sex work is positive nor does it mean ignoring the negatives. It’s hard to convey what it means in words to people who don’t feel the positive energy and are controlled by negative energy. Negative energy leads to negative outcomes, so if we wish to make progress in terms of social justice, we must allow in the positive energy. There are a complexity of factors here, but I believe positive energy is one of the important factors in this sense. It’s one of those things that I believe people need to feel in order to know.
Further, I never denied that sex work is a significant aspect of my life. Rather, I said it’s not my whole life. I also never said that sex work is about principle over money. I didn’t say one was more important than the other and I make no apologies for being able to make a living as a sex worker. I have bills and living expenses to pay like workers in various industries do.